1. Be prepared to listen with non-judgment
Really attempt to hear the person and learn about their needs. Try to keep an open mind and open heart.
2. Caution with assumptions
Our mind has a tendency to make assumptions about conflict situations based on our own past hurts or insecurities. Be mindful that these assumptions may or may not reflect reality or the whole truth of the situation.
3. Try to face the conflict for the other person’s benefit- not just your own
Do whatever you can to understand the other person’s view point. This will go a long way in dissipating tension right from the start.
4. Recognize we all have been wounded in life
We’ve all been affected by past hurts. Remember that we often don’t know the whole story coming from another person.
Pain gathers in our “pain pockets” which can hamper our own mental judgments and our ability to act with compassion and clarity.
5. Understand possible triggers for you and the other person
Ask yourself; “can I offer deep compassion to the other person when their triggers are hit”. Try to remember how sensitive you feel when you get triggered.
6. Take responsibility for possibly hurting someone (even if unintentional)
Stating that you are sorry for making another person feel a certain way, can be extremely powerful in effective and compassionate conflict resolution.
This is not about blame for you or the other person, it’s about facilitating healing for you and all involved.
This step is important even if you have been deeply hurt in the conflict as well.
7. Check if you have a tendency to want to be recognized as right
We all have specific beliefs about what is “right” in a given situation. Do the unthinkable and try to let go of the need to be right- even if you believe your way is truly the best option! Think of it as doing an “experiment” that you can report back to me on.
8. Give or receive forgiveness even if you don’t feel the other person deserves it
This takes incredible strength-but is essential in order to turn the tide on conflict and pain with others.
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